Why people lie, what a lie is and how it can influence someone in a good way e.g. placebo effect?
It is a sensitive, orthodox, and radical thought that a lie can save lives but its true! Nowadays, where an ability to use lies for a good or even bad reason plays a prime role to survive in a socialized way in our modern and civilized world. Sometimes, lying can save lives, literally or makes the other person feel better e.g placebo effect. Of course, there is also a psychological aspect behind it, and probably someone who lies a lot, without any evident reason in an uncontrolled way can be considered as a pathological liar.
This article is not about a psychological break-down of a pathological lying though. Of course, it can be considered as a mental illness but it is not always true that you can make mental damage to yourself or hurt someone by lying. This article is more about making you realize that there are always two sites of a story, just like a coin has two sides, so is the Chinese concept of dualism Yin and Yang-also has two sides.
Lying is not always a bad thing to consider doing to develop further, move forward or even protect, and save someone’s life. Lying is an inseparable part of one’s mental growth. Ability to lie is part of everyone’s personality. Just to give an idea what I mean if you have a bad day, why you should admit it as a bad day, say to yourself; it is a beautiful day, and I am lucky to be here!
I will describe what lying really is, and give you some examples to change the way you look at it and perhaps, consider it as a vital benefit in your everyday’s life.
The one who lies constantly not without knowing but deliberately creates an environment where he uses lies for only his/her own purpose to be seen in a better light than he/her really is might be considered as a pathological liar. This person is an original, creative, quick thinker who doesn’t usually show common signs of lying, such as long pauses or avoidance of eye contact.
Pathological liars, these people want to be seen and wanted the way they are really not them. They wear a mask made of lies. They give you a polite but fake smile. They are even great helpers but the truth is they don’t do it for the sake to help the others but to help themselves. It is not a bad sign unless you know about it. A good liar will make you think that he/she is right. Generally, these people are wanted in a way you think about them because they somehow come out of the crowd. These people are manipulators.
A lie you don’t know about
I think what is really bad, if you have a person who you like just because he/she doesn’t talk much, is showing signs of shyness but still interacting with others in a general way, and not in the way to do show-offs just like pathological liars might do. These people might be manipulators, too.
But it doesn’t mean the one who doesn’t speak much, and you like him/her because he/she is quiet, is an actually quiet person. He/she can be the kind of person who is not showing obvious signs of lying in communications but can be the kind of person who will say anything about you to look better in front of others! Means these quiet people sadly can blemish your good reputation behind your back.
It is more about your own mind rather than someone else who is trying to convince you what is good for you. That is why I always say. It is necessary, and vital to start the day thinking of yourself what the day will be like, and try to make it the way you will be happy, content with yourself, rather than thinking of the others how they will accept you today. You should accept yourself, all your strengths, and weaknesses, and work on it.
It is easier to spot a pathological liar
These people usually have a top position in the crowd because they want to be seen! These people are loved and hated at the same time. They don’t want people to know about their weaknesses so they work on developing a strategy to hide and protect their weaknesses from the audience. They create a shield made of lies. Instead of focusing on what they should develop to be better persons, and succeeding in society this way, they put enormous time and energy into something which is a true lie.
These people are driven by their emotions, they don’t necessarily need to show it from the outside, depending on whether they are extroverts or introverts. If we talk about an introvert, this person will likely be in imbalance with himself, suffering from inner swings of emotions, unable to ventilate the pressure. Because the mental pressure needs to come out, they might develop a very bad habit of lying to look better in society, in from of their friends or even family.
My personal advice
In my line of work, every time I speak to people they seek my help, I advise them to focus on the weaker side of the problem rather than getting rid of a bad habit without reason. Because the reason for such lying resides very deep inside, and these people need to admit, accept this weakness. But it is very hard for them to accept it, it makes them even weaker.
‘As I say there is always a way out off any situation. You only need to admit and accept the weakness to start working on it’
It is harder to spot a liar who is quiet
On the other hand, it is harder to spot a liar who is quiet. These people can do significantly bigger damage to your personality then you might think. It is hard to catch a liar in the act, and even harder to deal with such situation when it is revealed, and somehow you find out that someone was talking about you behind your back.
Lying can be emotional
Especially if you can’t say the truth because you know it would hurt the other person’s feelings. I won’t give an example as we have all experienced it, a situation where you had to say the truth can sometimes be hurting for both parties.
A very difficult and broad subject to talk about. What is placebo?
It is a phenomenon but I would say a real help for the diseased ones. The placebo effect is a real and powerful psychological response to some in need of a cure. There are people that placebo works on them but would not work on the others.
I think it is up to each individual how you will respond to the doctor’s given medicine. If you are generally a sceptic person who is giving up on life but still under treatment of placebo but obviously you don’t know you are under placebo treatment, then I don’t think there is much good use of it for you- Let me explain;
Because you are pathologically programmed not to accept anything which could help to cure you. It is more about your own mind rather than someone else who is trying to convince you what is good for you unless it is a good psychologist who knows what to do to help you.
A placebo effect is a way for your brain to tell the body what it needs to feel better, and trigger the healing processes. Unfortunately, you can overwrite this information if you don’t believe that placebo is a cure just because you are a sceptic, and negative about medicine. You have pathologically set your mind to think negatively unconsciously, automatically, all the time. You can’t think that placebo will work on you in a positive way because deep inside you, you are set to think negatively about your life. To think this way, you will always overwrite any information given from the outside just like the placebo cure.
A truly better lie to calm the situation than telling a hurting truth which can make things getting worse
It sounds easy to do but for some people, it really isn’t. If you are not born-liar don’t try to lie to defend or ease the situation. Simply be natural, feel like you can talk through the situation by explaining what the deal is.
To hide an unpleasant truth behind a lie is one way to defend or give reasons but if you are not a natural liar or fortunately you are not a pathological liar then don’t try to lie the way it is obvious. I am talking about situations we go through or have to confront on a daily bases. It is hard to give an example because there are literally tons of things we go through every day where we have to protect or defend our position in society.
A good example would be a man who is trying to impress and attract a woman’s attention. To tell the truth means for the man that he would have to expose himself completely and tell her about his all habits, weaknesses or things he doesn’t like, and that is not ideal at all. We are talking about basic survival instincts. To be a charismatic man, you need to possess some real gentleman’s qualities and present yourself to the woman the way you will catch her attention because what you don’t say, at that time being, it’s not considered as a lie or a truth but perhaps a secret would be the right description. We all love secrets.
As a man you should not say lies which isn’t ideal either but to tell the holy truth, to tell her everything about yourself? Well, that sounds desperate. I think that to say nothing with a smile on your face is better and easier than talking too much.
To keep telling the truth all the time just because you are a nice person is far greater exposure for your personality then you might think but to tell the truth is much better, for you to feel good, than telling the lie. To put thing in balance would be the right description but this to gain it takes the knowledge and experience.